A Letter to My Unborn Child
Today is your due date! However, you are showing no signs of arriving on time. I mean, I can't blame you. It's warm, dark and quiet where you are. You have everything you need provided for you and are kept perfectly safe. It's basically a 5 star hotel!
You have changed my life so much already and you aren't even really here yet.
For some reason, I am now super organised. I was very organised when I married your Daddy, but I have been prepared for your arrival for two months now! I'm no longer late for anything. Instead I show up at least 30minutes early for every appointment. This drives your Daddy insane when I get anxious about leaving the house 'On Time'.
Every day I look in the mirror and I no longer recognise the body staring back at me. I used to exercise all the time; whether that was at the gym or running with the dogs. I miss running so much!
Hopefully we will pass this love of the outdoors onto you. Being outside, feeling the breeze on your face and just running, is one of the most freeing things you can do.
As you grow up, we want to take you hiking; to show you how beautiful this country is. To teach you the simple joy of watching the dogs run around playing, and the sense of achievement when you climb for a breath taking view. I hope you'll enjoy the peace and calm that comes afterwards, when the entire family is that type of tired which only comes from feeling content. The moments when you sit, cuddle, warm up, and maybe share a cheeky little nap.
I'm both anxious and excited for my body to recover, so it is able to do this again.
My body once ran one of the hilliest marathons in Europe. Growing and carrying you has been ten times more difficult than that.
Just like a marathon, pregnancy is all a head game. It is physically demanding, don't get me wrong. Currently I struggle to walk a very slow 3 miles. Even that makes my back hurt for two days! But you can not really prepare your body for what it goes through. Just like with the marathon training, you never run the full distance. You need your mind to carry you through the last 6 miles. To convince yourself that you can do this!
This is not an easy task when your body is screaming at you. Especially when said body is full of hormones!
I'm torn daily between sheer wonder at how my body has carried you for 40 weeks, and utter horror at the damage done to it. It looks tired and stretched beyond belief. My stomach looks like it literally swallowed a large bowling ball! There are now lines across it, from where you have grown so quickly inside me.
There are permanent black bags and lines under my eyes, which show how I am unable to sleep through the night - something I feel I won't do for the next few years anyways!
It's difficult to not feel a little resentful. Especially when your Daddy gets away scot-free!
But then He looks at me...
Your Daddy doesn't see any of these things. He simply sees his wife doing this extraordinary thing. There is nothing but love and admiration in his eyes. He loves to laugh at me for the small things I do that bring him joy. Even when I am frustrated by my current limitations and cry/sob uncontrollably, he helps me to smile and see the funny side to it all.
Because of him, I know that even though it feels like it's never ending, it will end.
You will arrive and the second I hold you, I will forget about all of this.
Sometimes I make your Daddy frown. When I get caught up in my own thoughts. When I feel like a poor imitation of the woman he married; as I spend all day in the few items of clothing that still fit but look scruffy.
In those moments, your Daddy will wrap his arms around me, and tell me how much he loves me. And I don't doubt it for a second. That voice in my head disappears.
I don't question for a second my worth to him. He makes me feel like the most important person in the world.
Soon that will change. It will change because you are here. You are the only person I will happily come second to.
I never knew it was possible to love someone, who I have never met, this much. Half the man I love, and half myself.
It will be the greatest privilege to nourish and watch you grow. To see who you take after. Will you have your Daddy's hair? (Please dear god be a red head!!) Will you be stubborn like me? Will you be deaf or have you been listening to me sing lullabies for you all day?
So please don't keep us waiting too much longer. Let's be honest, You and I know you don't have enough room in there anymore!
As much a I love feeling you wriggle around, I will love seeing you stretch your legs somewhere that isn't into my ribs!
I will also really enjoy that first glass of whiskey, from the bottle we made on honeymoon. 9 months is a long time to wait, to raise a glass in your honour.
I promise to love you, no matter what, for always.
Your Mum
xxx
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