All Bumps Are Beautiful

Stick with me. This post will not be as preach-y as you think. It is more about how I feel about my own body, as it's gone through this massive change. I think the third trimester is one for reflection and definitely feels like the longest. To say they all last 3 months is a lie. The final months feel just as long as the entire pregnancy!
I can't remember the last time I could easily reach my toes. I haven't seen my vagina in god knows how long (blind shaving is a skill I am most proud of!). I also greatly miss being able to go for a run or lift heavy things without thinking. Hell...at this stage I simply miss climbing the stairs without feeling out of breath! And god help me should I spend a day wandering around on my feet without a rest. Mother nature likes to punish me by giving my the worst leg cramps all night.

Despite growth slowing down in these last few weeks (normal), I feel more out of control of my own body than ever before. This is the biggest issue I've had to mentally deal with. It sound incredibly vain, and it probably is, but lacking control in any aspect of my life is something I find very difficult.
I spent a lot of time outdoors hiking, running and working out. My body reflected my active lifestyle. Seeing it change beyond my control is hard.


Which brings me round to my main topic....Baby Bumps!

Week 28-34

Bumps come in all different shapes and sizes. As someone with a bump on the larger side, I am aware of this fact more than I would care to be.
Throughout this pregnancy, it has be a common occurrence to hear

• 'Wow look how big you are!' 
• 'Are you sure there's only one?' 
• And my personal favourite, 'You look ready to pop now!' 

The last one just serves as a reminder that I still have a month left of growth to go. If they think I'm at bursting point now, what hope do I have later?!
A lot of these things are said in jest. Most don't even realise the power of their words. But the saying is true, it is only acceptable to comment on how big a women is when it's in regards to her height....and she's about 6 years old! Otherwise, don't comment!!
It is safe to say, the only comment you should make to a pregnant (hormonal) women is how beautiful she looks. Tell her that pregnancy suits her and she is glowing. Otherwise....shush!
It probably doesn't help, that a lot of people around me who are/have been pregnant have smaller frames than me. Their bumps are also on the other end of the growth chart. So when people see us together, it makes for quite a large contrast. When compared to women in the UK and world, it is very much an average, normal bump!

A back handed compliment is also quite common. 'At least you don't look pregnant from behind!'......erm.....thanks? I mean I'm grateful that I haven't really gained weight anywhere else but again it just highlights that I'm all bump at the front. It used to be that a big bump was desired, as it is a sign of a healthy growing baby! Yes, I am aware that my bump is big. No it is not fluid, it is just a long baby....My partner and I are tall. Please stop telling me how big he will be....I have to push him out! *sigh* You can see how tiring it becomes...

Naked Bumps

Everyone imagines a model like bump that they can flaunt. It's the image we see in advertising, so it's just what we picture when we imagine ourselves further down the line in pregnancy.
I was never going to have that as I suffer from psoriasis.
Pre-pregnancy, I was never as worried about it as I focused on my strength in training and not how I looked. (Although in hindsight, as everyone girl does worry about how she looks, I really shouldn't have worried and should have walked around naked a lot more lol)
Now that I have a bump, I feel like my psoriasis looks so much worse. I wish I could show my bump off but personal feelings make me want to hide it. And now in the last month of pregnancy, the final cruel joke of it all, stretch marks.

There are thousands of creams you can buy to 'prevent' stretch marks. Lets be honest, none of them work. It comes down to simple genetics. You are either predisposed to them, or not. Even so, I still used coco butter to rub into my bump daily. I already moisturised to help my psoriasis, so it made no difference to me. It's actually a lovely moment to spend, rubbing your belly and connecting with your baby.
That didn't stop me crying when I found my stretch marks. Again, vanity, but having lasted as long as 32 weeks, I had rather hoped I'd avoided them. It just adds to the ugliness I perceive my bump with.

Psoriasis, stretch marks & a stretched piercing scar.

The line of muscle down the side of my bump

36 weeks pregnant

A Change of Perspective

This is where a good talking to is needed. Which is just what I gave myself. I used to say, 'You wouldn't let your best friend say these things about herself, so why allow yourself?'
Will I ever want to flaunt my pregnant belly? Probably not, but then again why do I need to? And if I do show it off, no one else's opinion matters. As long as my husband still loves me, then it doesn't matter. And the best part about husbands is, they always think you're beautiful. I took the above photos to help me love my bump and all it's imperfections.

The body is an amazing things. Growing a human is hard work! Having completed one of the most difficult marathons in Europe, I can tell you that pregnancy feels a lot more physically demanding! Nothing can prepare you for how tired you feel all the time. Or how difficult simple tasks become.
But at the end of the day, it'll all be worth it.
Yes I miss my pre-pregnancy body. I miss feeling strong. I miss running with my dogs and seeing how much they enjoy it. I miss feeling confident.
But I also love feeling my baby boy move around. I'm so excited to meet him and watch him grow in to an amazing human being. I love the way my husband looks at me, as I carry and grow our child. The amount of love and admiration he feels toward me now, has added a new aspect to our relationship. Even when he laughs at me trying to do things, it helps remind me how funny it all must look.
My body will no longer be a priority once our baby arrives. It will go back to how it was. Yes, there will be new scars (tiger stripes) but they tell a story. They are a testament to how I carried our child for 9 months and gave birth to him. I will find time to go running with my dogs, and workout around little man. I want to be a role model for him. Raise him to see fitness and health are important but can be fun. I want to teach him that anything we put our minds to, can be achieved.
The focus will not be on how I look, but what I can do with my body. Which is why I vow to love it more now, as it achieves it's greatest accomplishment.